So Many Ways
by Kalio Halos
Summary: There must be so many ways to say goodbye. Here is a goodbye of high stakes and many regrets. Perhaps more to come.


So Many Ways 

By Kalio 

A/n: Before I write the disclaimer and scare people away, yes, this is based on a song. No, it is not a songfic. It contains one line from the song the my story is named for, and one from another song, but it in no way makes you sit through a whole lot of lyrics for songs you've never heard. 

That said, this is something short that I'm writing to get a break from 'Legacy' and 'See You at the Show,' both of which are Ranma fanfics, both of which promise to be kind of long. I know most of you aren't reading them, but I guess I can forgive you for that. Anyway, I'm hoping you guys like this as much (or more) than you liked 'Breathing' and 'I can save you,' my other Inu-Yasha fics. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha. I'm not nearly far enough in the series to know how it all ends- so this is probably not how anything happens. Oh, and I don't own the songs 'So Many Ways' or 'You've Got a Friend in Pennsylvania' by my favorite band in the whole world, formerly known as 'A New Found Glory' when both songs were written. If you look hard, you can see other NFG references, but they weren't really intentional. 

~*~ 

I used to believe in love. But love is another word for regret, and I don't much believe in anything anymore. I guess when you've been down as many roads as I have, there isn't a whole lot left to hope for. Or perhaps I am just different. Considering the story of my life, I am willing to say that its a possibility. However, one thing is for certain: I no longer believe in love. 

I didn't used to be this way, though. I used to think, 'I could be that happy!' or 'Someday, I will have a family.' Somewhere along the way, I think I was in love. Maybe I was, or maybe all I was feeling were those chemical reactions that dictate emotion. I prefer to think that I was in love because although love is irrational and unpredictable, things like anger are logical, and I don't want to let my rage go. I feel I've earned it. 

I'm not completely sure when I became this way. There are so many ways to lose faith in such a basic emotion. The truth is, some part of me still hopes that I will be able to love again, somewhere in the future. For now, though, my wounds are much to fresh to consider it. Though they've had time, they haven't healed enough to even leave a scar as a reminder, and that's all i need to know that even the people that fit together the best fail; the blackest truth of them all. 

Through the things I've seen, the people I've lost, and the goals I've met, its become harder to see the worth of the fruits of my labor. Perhaps my future is safe, but it is so unlikely for that to be the case, that I wonder whether I've really saved anyone at all. I certainly haven't saved myself from pain. I want so badly to think that I would never take any of it back. That I would do everything the same. Unfortunately, that is never the case. There are so many things that could have went better. So many moments that could have changed history forever. So many words to say that would have changed my mind so that I could believe in love. But there is no bell to ring that will start things over and make them go the right way to happiness. There is no going back, no returns, and no refunds. 

The other night I sat up late and watched the stars, listening to music. I know he was watching me, I knew it was over, then, but I didn't care. I was sad, and I wanted it to all fall into place like it was supposed to. It wasn't supposed to end this way, it should sound like the songs I was listening to. Like love was all that matters, like love conquers all, like the errant star our story promised to be. But in the end, I suppose, there is no Fate, no Destiny, no Justice that binds the world somehow. There is only us, our separate ways, and the hope that we made a difference, even if we couldn't see what it was. 

I sigh. I've put it off too long; its time to leave. I don't belong in this time. I don't belong with these people, whom I've come to know and love. Here was my home, once upon a time. I was sent here for a purpose, and I needed to be here. But that time is gone, and my mission complete. I've helped to save every fragment of that precious jewel, and I've purified it. Now I must go to the home I've left behind and the endless tests and make-up work I've put off. All that's left is one thing to do before I leave. 

I carefully pack my bag, under the tense and watchful eyes of my friends. I can feel his eyes burning into my back with the intensity that only he could have. When I am finished, my hand briefly goes to the necklace I wear around my neck. It seems heavier now than ever before. 

I heft my pack silently, and sigh once again, resignedly. This is it, the moment I've feared for so long; the moment that I've wondered about and had nightmares about. I can feel the lump forming in my throat, and I suddenly wonder if I can still do this. But, I brush my feelings aside. After all, I don't believe in love anymore. I look each of my friends in the eye. Scenes of them running through my racing memory, until finally I come to him. 

So many moments flash through my eyes, and I fight to stay in control. He is the only one I've ever loved, but even though she is gone, his heart belongs to another. There was never room for a woman such as me in his heart. But, as I knew I would, I can't deny that I would still do anything for him. So, facing him, I look down, and take out the jewel around my neck, clasped tightly in my hand. 

'Kagome, I...' he starts, but does not finish as I meet his eyes. 

In one swift motion, I break the necklace, unflinchingly. I shake as I take his hand, and put the jewel in it, bringing his other to close over it. We both know what this means. We both knew that this day would come. He knows my decision, my solution. And so does everyone else. They dare not say a word, knowing that their words cannot change my mind. 

He stares, not at his hands, where the object he has desired for so long waits, but at me. I give him a half smile. 

'Its yours, Inu-Yasha, do with it as you will.' 

I let go of his hands and move toward the well, my only way home. Before I jump in, I turn back at my friends, and my once-home. I smile in regret, knowing every memory would become painful, though perhaps bearable, in time. The little one was silently crying as, my closest friend held him in her arms, her eyes equally wet. The 'holy' man stood grim, next to the wise old lady. 

Inu-Yasha stood, bangs, darkly covering his eyes, jewel clenched in his fist. He possibly has as many regrets as I, but it is too late now. I know he was watching as I turned around, but as much as there was left to say. I couldn't say it. I couldn't say any of it. I sit on the edge of the well and looked down, shaking my head sadly. 

There must be so many ways to say goodbye, but I can't seem to think of one this time. 

~*~ 


End file.
